(CHRIS)

Morgan is still sound asleep and I'm here in Bella's nursery, watching her sleep as well. I could be back in my own bed but instead I'm standing here beside the baby's crib. Guess I expected to be shipped off the to guest room upon my return but that wasn't the case. Bella's eyes flicker open and she stirs, moving her head from side to side before finding another comfortable position and closing those blue eyes as she once again falls into a deep sleep.

She doesn't seem to mind that her father never seems to be able to get his act together. For every step forward, I always take at least two steps backwards. I don't blame Morgan for taking the hard line, she has every right to. At Christmas I was insufferable. No matter how I was feeling about everything there was no need to treat her the way I did. She didn't deserve it.

But maybe thats the problem. Maybe I really don't feel anyone deserves having to put up with me in their life. The old demons are rearing their heads again, its almost as though I can feel one sitting on my shoulder, grinning and poking me, asking, "Can I come out and play?"

I'm not talking about the addictions or the other women. I just seem to have this uncanny knack of screwing up everything good about my life and its always been that way right from that moment I first met Candy.

You would think after all the therapy I've had that I would have clue as to why it is that I sabatage the relationships that mean the most to me. I've blamed it on everything from my Dad to Tommy's death but the truth is there's no one or nothing else to blame but me.

Reaching over the crib railing, I trail a light finger over Bella's cheek and whisper, "One of these days I promise I'll get it right, little one. In the meantime I hope both you and your mother and your sister and brother can put up with me."

From my lips to God's ear. I only hope he's in the mood to listen.