After another sleepless night, I spend breakfast mulling over everything everyone has said to me and realize I'm the one who's going to have to make the big decision. I'm the one who told Chris to get out of the house and its up to me whether he comes back into it. Wish it was an obvious decision.

I know if he treats me the way he did around Christmas, there's no way I want him here. I don't want my kids growing up, thinking its perfectly normal to verbally abuse their partners. I'm all for being honest with one another, but when I think back to how completely overcritical he was of everything I said or did, it makes me want to scream. As if he's perfect.

Hardly.

And then there's the separate issue of honesty. Did he really feel it was better to deal with the decision about Mikey without me? I know I argued with him, and didn't understand his position, but is that reason enough to keep the information from me.

Everytime I sit down and try to come to some conclusion I just seem to wind up driving myself even more crazy. But as I change Isabella and get her ready for the day, I know I don't want her growing up without knowing her father. And I do have some say in that.

Its time to make that decision, one way or another I have to tell Chris....something.