Its a well known fact that sometimes I open my mouth and say something without really thinking first. He's still at the hotel and today we met for a long lunch. One minute we were munching on sandwiches and the next I was looking at him and asking, "Who is she?"

From the look of surprise on Chris' face I'd say a confrontation was the last thing he expected. But then it was my turn to be equally surpised when he put his napkin down on the table and fixed me with a steady gaze and answered, "Her name is Sarah."

I stared. I blinked. I put my own napkin on top of the remains of my sandwich. And I resisted the urge to bolt from the table and head straight for the door. But for some reason the name seemed familiar and I stayed where I was, trying madly to remember until finally it clicked. "Sarah," I said sharply. "Libby's sister?" He'd told me about her years ago and told me the whole story of how he'd been involved with Libby and how she'd been pregnant and in the car when his wreck had happened. She'd been pregnant with twins and miscarried one, but it was years before Chris found out one baby had survived. Sarah and her husband Kirk had adopted him at birth and kept him a secret from Chris until the boy was a few years old.

"Libby's sister," Chris confirmed and I really had to convince myself not to get up and strangle him then and there. I thought we were past the affairs and the screwing around. I was seething and trying to decide how to kill him when he continued to talk. "I've seen her a few times throughout the month."

Does he really think I want details? Unless they involve a map of all the locations the authorities are going to be able to find pieces of him when I'm finished, I don't want hear any of it.

But even though he loves to say he's good at reading my mind, today he wasn't doing a very good job. He just kept talking and finally it filtered through to me that he wasn't talking about an affair. He was talking about his son and how Sarah had suddenly decided that Mikey needs to get to know his father.

Now I want to strangle him even more. Why didn't he say that in the first place instead of making me think he was back to old habits? UGH!

He looks uncomfortable and pushes away from the table, pacing up a storm to the window and back and slowly the rest of the story comes out. Sarah wants him and Mikey to spend more time together yet that's something Chris doesn't even want to consider. He doesn't want the boy to know who his real father is. He's content letting him continue to believe he was adopted by Sarah and Kirk as a baby anonymously.

"That's the reason you were acting the way you were over Christmas?" I finally ask.

"I knew how you were going to react if I told you," he muttered back.

"And how's that?"

"You're going to be mad and get all self righteous and tell me I can't neglect my own son. I've always taken responsibility for him, Morgan. As soon as I knew he existed I've supported him 100%, he's never wanted for anything."

So that's his argument. I point out the obvious, "Except knowing who his real father is."

"Do you think that would change anything for him? He's better off not knowing."

"And why do you think that?" I reply sharply. I know it hasn't always been easy for Tristan to be Chris Gaines' son. But I know Chris' life would be decidedly different without Tristan in it, and where does that leave Isabella? Does this mean he doesn't want to be part of her life? Suddenly I'm very very cold.

"He has a good life. He thinks of Sarah and Kirk as Mom and Dad. Its no different than the way Craig was raised. He adores his adoptive parents."

"And do you think he doesn't also adore Pam?" I argue.

"Of course he does, but if he'd never met her, would it have made a difference?"

"You can be such an asshole sometimes!" I finally explode and rise up from my chair, almost knocking my water glass on the floor as I move. The glass clinks against the edge of the plate and I jump back as a steady stream floods the tabetop.

"Be careful!" he yells back, grabbing my elbow and jerking me backwards.

"Let go of me," I grind out through clenched teeth. "I'm perfectly fine."

"No you're not. You're absolutely furious and you're being clumsy."

"Oh great, you're concerned about that but you couldn't give a damn about your own son. Cute, Chris, real cute!"

I left after that, it didn't seem like there was any point in continuing the conversation especially since Chris just stomped over to the window and stood there like an unmovable statue, staring out at the sky. All the way home the same thoughts kept plaguing me. If he feels this way about Mikey, who's his own son, how does he really feel about Lily and Connor?

Does he put up with them because he has no other choice? Does he wish he didn't have to deal with them on a daily basis?

I have kids with two different men but I don't treat any of them any differently because of it. They are still my children and they are all part of the same family. I couldn't imagine neglecting Connor and Lily simply because I'm not married to their father any more, or because I have another baby with my current husband.

A red light blinks on ahead of me and as I slow the car down, I bang my hands against the steering wheel in sheer frustration. I suppose I could try to understand Chris' point of view but I don't really know if I can do that.

But what really scares me is the obvious question. Where does this leave our marriage?