(CHRIS)

In the old days I would have lost myself in something just to counteract the way I feel today. A woman. A drug. A fast car. All three sometimes.

I could argue that I still have the fast car and definitely the woman who can make me forget my problems but neither are what I want right now. Looking out at the rapidly melting snow I find myself wishing it would stick around longer. A quick glance at the sky shows no clouds and that's a shame. I'm probably the only person in the Tulsa area right now who's actually wishing there'd be another snowstorm.

Then I'd have a good excuse not to face the rest of the world.

Okay so its not the whole world I feel like hiding from. Out loud I say, "No, just the damn critics." Sighing I press my forehead against the glass, wishing the coolness would do something to cut the headache that's been bugging me all day.

I'm almost forty years old and I'm still trying to play a young man's game. Look at the top of the charts now and You don't see anyone who was there when Tommy, Marc and I hit the top. Okay so maybe the Stones are still around but its not very often they have a number one hit anymore. They rely on dragging out the old stuff over and over again.

Thats not what I want to do. I keep trying out new stuff, I keep trying to push the envelope but where does it get me. Oh yeah, it gets me pegged as the guy who deserves to be left in the past while someone like Griffin gets all the kudos.

I know if I bring this up with Morgan, she'll give me that steady look of hers and tell me to ignore the review. It's been over two weeks since it came out, normally she'd be right. I could ignore it and move on. But for some reason this time it's been bugging the hell out of me ever since it came out.

It's my own damn fault, it was my idea to have Griffin appear at the show. I invited the comparisons.

Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

Question is what am I going to do about it?

I'm up earlier than everyone else in the house Sunday morning and decide to use the extra time for a bath. Chris is here if Bella wakes up and just to make sure he hears her I put the baby monitor on his nightstand and turn the volume up a notch before I sneak off to the bathroom.

I love our new master bath. Last summer when we were in Winnipeg we let Logan loose on the house and finally got enough room for everyone. Lily wound up with our old room, meaning Connor and Isabella finally got their own rooms. Then he converted the former attic into a master bedroom/bathroom combo for Chris and me.

Now we have more than enough space for a separate shower and jacuzzi tub. And right now I've filled it with bubbles and left the jacuzzi jets off and I'm sinking into its steamy depths. With a groan I stretch out and close my eyes loving how warm it is.

Chris is always bugging me about being cold. When we're in the car together and he's driving, I'm constantly reaching over to turn the heat up and down every five minutes. And its no different in the house. I used to complain it was because the house was old and drafty but ever since Logan did the upgrades I really don't have that excuse any more. But it still doesn't stop me from cranking the thermostat up until everyone else is complaining they're going to bake if I don't turn it down.

Damn I should have brought my iPod in here to listen to. But no worries, the silence is nice too. But a creak makes me open my eyes and I look up to see Chris trying to sneak in to the room. It might be interesting to close my eyes again and see what he's up to, or else I could just let him know he's been spotted. Decisions, decisions....

But he makes it for me, calling out a cheerful "Good morning." Its then I realize he has someone else with him. Bella is in his arms and she gives me a big grin as soon as she spots me. Waving her arms and wriggling around so much that Chris almost drops her. Getting a better grip on her he comes over to the tub and sits down on the edge. 'Who's that, sweetheart? Is Mommy all wet?"

Bella immediately starts with the "Mamamamama." She's very good at that.

Chris smiles and eyes the water. "Just how hot is it in there?"

"Feel like joining me?"

"Thought we'd both join you, but I don't think you want your daughter looking like a lobster."

"I can fix that in a jiffy," I announce and move into a cross legged position before I reach over to the faucet and turn on the cold water. A minute later the temperature is just perfect for a wee one to come on in.

Chris strips her out of her pajamas and diaper and after begging her not to pee on either of us, he hands her over to me while he ditches his own pajamas so he can climb into the big tub as well.

Bella's as much a fish as her father. She loves the water and immediately starts smacking the surface with both hands, giggling up a storm when it splashes everywhere. We must stay in the tub for close to an hour, adding warm water whenever it starts getting too cool. Finally we decide we better get out before we get too wrinkled.

Who needs a swimming pool when you have great big tub?

Seems like the winter weather blanketing our area has brought more than snow. Ever since Chris and I spent the morning of the snowstorm relaxing, he's been more attentive and I'm starting to feel like we're on some sort of second honeymoon. We went out to dinner with Garth and Trisha on Friday night leaving Bella with a babysitter. Now today we've spent the whole day lounging around in pajamas and playing with the baby.

Its such a joy to watch Chris with her and she loves him so much. Her face just lights up when he picks her up and the two of them can spend hours playing. Chris will throw her into the air and even though his hands don't let go of her, she still laughs like a fiend every time he does it. If any game involves her bouncing or jumping, she's thrilled. Something tells me we're going to have a little daredevil on our hands.

But considering how fast her Daddy loves to drive, that's not really surprising. Between her and Connor, I wouldn't be surprised if we wind up with a race car driver in the family. Chris would probably love that, Joe wouldn't be so thrilled if it was Connor's job choice.

I'm sitting on the couch, a blanket over my legs and Daisy stretched out beside me, watching Chris and Bella play on the carpet. And I find myself thinking back to Friday night and listening to everyone talk about their upcoming projects. A lot of women would probably wonder why I'm even thinking about finding something else to do. The kids keep me running and its hard to stick to any kind of work schedule with all the traveling we wind up doing because of Chris' occupation. It would be difficult for me to work 9-5 somewhere.

I think about my friends. Candy has her photography, Mel writes. Nina does interior design and even Pam has a little sideline with her scrapbooking. What the heck can I do? I've worked for a telemarketing company and as an event planner. Of the two I'd say the event planning would probably fit into my lifestyle the easiest. But do I want to go back to working the big events? Or would smaller be better?

Before I can think about it any further a chorus of "Mommy, come here" catches my attention and I look down at the floor to see Chris and Bella both grinning at me. I think I have something to do right here and now and it doesn't involve any planning at all.

I'm surprised when Chris didn't leave for tomorrow's concert, he changed plans at the last minute and told the band to go along with out him. At first I was alarmed, wondering if he planned to be a no- show, given his latest reviews. But it seems I was way off base.

I got my first inkling when the doorbell rang and I opened the door to discover Louise Ross standing there, with a big smile on her face. "Babysitter reporting for duty," she announced and Chris brushed past me to escort her into the house.

"Umm, didn't know we needed one," I comment, reminding them that Lily and Connor are with Joe and Pam for the weekend.

"We need one if we're going out for dinner." Chris acts as if I should know exactly what he has up his sleeve. "Are you wearing that?" he asks, eyeing my pajama bottoms and tank top.

I'm instantly defensive. "What's wrong with this? I wear it all the time."

He shrugs. "Suit yourself." Then he turns to a bemused Louise and starts running down Bella's schedule.

"Ugh"! I groan and go upstairs to see what else I can find to wear. Sometimes I love the surprises my husband whips up, but other times, I wish he'd clue me in, especially since I don't know what kind of restaurant we're going to. Do I need to dress up, or will jeans and a sweater do? I suppose I could ask, but right now I just don't want to give him that particular pleasure.

I'll just guess and he'll have to put up with the results.

I'm glad I didn't count on him wanting to go see Clay. Instead we wound up at the new Mexican restaurant. And we weren't alone, Garth and Trisha met us there. It's been a long time since I've seen Garth. But I guess that's understandable. Him and Trisha are newlyweds, having tied the knot at the beginning of December, and I doubt she really wants to spend a lot of time hanging around with Mel' friends.

But tonight was a pleasant exception. We spent a couple hours there telling stories and listening to Chris and Trisha talk about this year's upcoming projects. Garth' s doing a lot of charity work and that's keeping him busy. And of course we talked about the kids. Garth does see Lily quite often, she goes to gymnastics with his kids and Chris brings her over to swim at the pool when he goes over to Garth's to play in the studio.

The food is good and the restaurant seems pretty popular, there's a crowd waiting to be seated and all the tables I can see are full. I have chicken fajitas and Trisha and Chris both have enchiladas, while Garth goes with the steak fajitas. And there's plenty of chips and salsa for everyone.

But the one thing dinner conversation did make me realize. Aside from the kids I don't really have any projects to call my own. And I really need to do something about that.

Woke up this morning to a foot of snow on the ground and a blowing wind. The kids are over with Joe and Pam so that meant I didn't even have to turn on the television to see if school was cancelled, no doubt it is. This place shuts down the minute the first flakes start to fall and thats just fine with me today.

Chris has been in a major funk since the Tucson review and I've been doing my best to give him space. But he can't mope forever and as I watch him sleep I decide enough's enough. Leaning over to my nightstand I listen for a few minutes and satisfied Bella is still asleep, I turn back to her father.

I can think of a few interesting ways to wake him up but there's always the chance the exercise will backfire and he'll be cranky that I did interrupt his sleep. He's laying on his back, one arm flung above his head on the pillow, the comforter pulled up close to his chin. Rats, there doesn't seem to be much skin showing.

That's definitely something I can fix and I pretend to stretch, snagging a corner of the blanket and yanking it downwards as I roll over toward him. Perfect, now its down to his waist and I'm staring at a bare chest.

I've just sat up and leaned over to him when I feel strong fingers closing around my wrist and without opening his eyes, he growls, "What took you so long?"

"Took me a few minutes to deicde if it would be worth taking a chance that you would still be Chris the Grouch this morning." That gets one eye open, to look at me. "Excuse me? Not worth it?" He says the eyebrow above the open eye arching. "Sounds like you need a refresher course."

"Oh please." I roll my eyes and that's probably my first mistake. I took my attention off him and as a result find myself flat on my back a moment later with him leaning over me. Both his eyes are open now and they're glinting away.

"Please what?" he asks as those blue eyes stare into mine. "Please kiss me?" He leans in closer his lips stopping a breath away from mine. "Please caress me?" His hand moves, fingers barely brushing agaisnt my skin.

"Please quit talking and make love to your wife," I demand, arching up toward him. Just in case he needs a little more incentive I press my hand against his back and casually slide it downwards.

"Demanding little creature arent you?" he replies. But I notice that he moves even closer to me as my hand slides under the waistband of the pajama bottoms he's wearing. A concession to the fact that there are now children in our lives.

"I thought you liked that about me?" I can't help grinning when he stiffens as I let my hand wander some more."I like a lot of things about you," he confirms.

"You're sure about that?"

"Very sure." He nods. "I love the way your skin tastes right here." His teeth graze my collarbone casuing me to shiver. "And this little valley right here." his finger traces the edge of my tank top.

"Well I think we've found some common ground then because I love the way you feel right here." I move my hand another inch and he bites his lip. "And the way you taste right about here." Bringing his hand up to my mouth I run my tongue over his thumb.

"And I think we've had enough talk," he says, linking his hand with mine and pushing it agianst the mattress. "More action is what's needed here." His lips meet mine is a kiss that starts out as a mere brushing of his lips agaisnt mine, but slowly deepens into something much hotter. By the time Chris gentles the kiss again I have no desire for words. All I want is his body moving against mine.

And that's exactly what I get.

No wonder Chris went right back to sleep when he heard the reviews for the Tucson show. When he finally got up he was moody and definitely not interested in spending the rest of the afternoon relaxing with me. Instead he shut himself in the room, leaning over his guitar.

That was my cue to give him some space and instead spent the afternoon shopping with Mel and Sean. The twins are off on a holiday with Griffin's elder sister and her kids so its just me, her, Bella and Sean. And of course we spend most of the time at stores like Baby Gap and A Childrens Place. We still aren't as close as we once were but I did enjoy hanging out with her. Its nice to get to talk to someone who knows what its like to be married to someone in the music business.

Especially when they get bad reviews. And that's what's bugging Chris. To quote the reviewer:

Last night's show pointed out the obvious: Griffin McNeal is the future of the genre while Chris Gaines is most definitely the past. McNeal's energy and obvious charisma and talent carried the show while Gaines struggled to keep up with both his guitarmanship and vocals. He sounded strained and weary in head-on comparison with the energetic Irishman who had the crowd in the palm of his hand from the get-go.

Ouch! I really wanted to point out that it was only one reviewer's opinion but I knew better than to even try. Chris needs to work through this himself and no amount of ego stroking on my part is going to help. But he always does like a challenge.

Chris stretched and opened one eye and croaked out a question. "Did you bring the papers in yet?"

I didn't even bother to raise my head off the pillow. "Nope,"I replied as cheerfully as I could muster. It was almost noon but we didn't get in until close to 2 am and I'd been up three times with Bella since finally putting her to bed in the portable crib we'd somehow wrangled. Chris, of course, slept like a hibernating bear until now.

He let out a groan and after a minute, flipped over. I could hear him rustling around and it wasn't until that hoarse voice said, "Did you check 'em yet?" that I realized he was on the phone. Then it was time to try and guess who was on the other end of the line. Gordon and Wayne left on the bus last night, so unless he's calling them on the road and risking their wrath at being woken up, I decided I could cross them off the short list.

That left Griffin. The two of them have a short conversation and as soon as Chris hangs up the phone he lets out a groan and that brought my head off my pillow. "Not good?" I asked hesitantly.

There's silence.

I tried again. "What didn't they like?"

I stared at him until finally one blue eye opened a crack. "Oh they liked it fine," he answered then instead of telling me what the review actually said, he yawned. Then he asked me what time the flight home was.

Mr. Gaines is tired and would like a little more shut eye.

Too bad Mrs. Gaines has other morning pastimes in mind.

(GRIFFIN)

Chris is on stage running through a blistering track and from the way he's handling that guitar I'd say he's either trying to work out some frustrations, or else he's laying down the gauntlet and trying to tell me what caliber performance he expects tonight. I'm definitely up for the challenge, it will be fun to just let loose and just play for a change. It's nice not to have my name on the marquee for a night.

There are only three people I really care about impressing tonight. One is my wife. All the begging and pleading must have finally done the trick. Since the kids are with my sister, Mel finally relented and agreed to fly in tonight. She's promised to arrive in time for the show and if she's late there'll be hell to pay. We have a deal and I'm holding her to it.

Another is the man on stage, swaggering in front of the mike stand looking for all the world like he owns the place. I'm still not really certain why he called and invited me to appear tonight. Part of me wants to suspect the worst; that he's trying to show me up somehow. But seeing as I'm not about to let that happen, I'll simply accept the invitation graciously and enjoy myself.

And the third person is sitting just ahead of me in what must be the twentieth row. She came out about fifteen minutes ago, right before Chris began his soundcheck and from the way she's slouched down in that seat, I'd guess she's trying to be as low key as possible. That would probably explain why she didn't have her backstage pass with her. Maybe like Mel, it was a last minute decision to come here.

Easy to understand for both women I guess. There are kids on both sides that need to be considered before the Mom in question can jet off to whereever their guitar monkeys are playing.

But Morgan does have the option of sending her two eldest kids off to their father whenever she gets the urge to follow Chris. And Isabella is still small enough to be easily portable. I've learned that from experience with Sean. He's happy as long as he has a clean diaper, a full tummy and someone around who'll pay attention to him.

Come to think of it that probably describes us rock stars too. Although some of us are closer to wearing diapers again than others.

I must have made some kind of noise because Morgan's head comes round and I see her peering into the dimness to see who's behind her. Stepping forward I hold out my hand and say, "Guilty as charged, how are you?"

"Wondering who was trying to sneak up on me and doing such a lousy job," she teases and pats the seat next to hers. "Grab a chair, talk to me."

"Talk? Thought you were being the ultimate fan."

"I am but I can talk to you too. I'm a Mom I can multi-task." She laughs.

I nod my head in agreement as I say, "I do seem to remember you being pretty good at doing more than one thing at a time."

"Are you trying to make me blush Mr McNeil."

I don't even bother to try and look innocent. "I'll leave that up to your ever active imagination." Staring at her then at the stage I say, "Things change, don't they."

"That they do," she agrees. "We both wound up where we belong."

"Did we?" I ask more sharply than I intend.

She looks over at me with a raised eye brow, "Little late for second thoughts isn't it?"

"Not me I'm thinking of."

"Funny, I would have wondered about you. Here you are married with three kids. I remember a time not too long ago the idea of having kids made you run," she points out.

"Ay, I can't deny that."

"Guess it was just the case of finding the right woman and the right kids."

"Or a matter of finding the right rock star?" I say with a nod towards the stage.

"I think that has a little to do with it too."Leaning over I kiss her cheek. "I"m glad you're happy. You deserve it."

"We all do. It's been a long road to get there but I think we've both finally got it figured out."

"And with just a little bit of luck we'll be able to keep it." I tell her, kiss her cheek again then go in search of my own little bit of happiness, the way Gaines is tearing up the stage I could use a kiss... or three for luck.

Connor and Lily are with Joe, Pam and Katy this weekend, and with all my own jobs under control, I decide to surprise Chris at tonight's show. It's a short flight from here to Tempe and Bella is good as gold. She's been flying since she was only a few months old so to her, hopping on a plane is probably just the same as jumping into the car is for most other kids.

Chris is playing at Wells Fargo Arena and since I am trying to surprise him, I don't bother to phone ahead and arrange an All Access Pass. That makes it more than a little tricky to get into the Arena before the doors actually open. I wind up cooling my heels outside, moving Bella's car seat from hand to hand when it starts to weigh too much. Just when I'm beginning to think I'll have to break down and call Chris and tell him to have someone let me in, I see someone I know.

That someone is Griffin McNeal and he's just arriving at the Arena as well. The double take he gives when he sees me standing around is priceless. After a warm greeting and a quick explanation, he ushers me and the baby past security and inside to find Chris' dressing room.

I make him promise not to say a word and he just grins and shakes his head. He's no dummy, he know sbetter than to ruin the surprise. Especially since he knows if he does, I'll tell Mel and she'll figure out the perfect way to punish him.

Its funny but Griffin and I have a totally amiable relationship. Actually its hard to believe we were once involved; it just seems like such a foreign concept. But it was a long time ago, and we weren't together for very long. And it also helps that we've both found out true soulmates.

One look at the man and I can see how head over heels he is for Mel and their growing family. Sean Patrick is growing like a weed if the pictures Griff shows are any indication. And it seems as though the rivalry between Chris and Griffin has toned down as well. Griffin is here to make a surprise appearance at the show.

When he comes out on stage, I have a feeling the roof is going to blow off this place.

Katy stayed at our house on Valentine's night so Joe and Pam could have a little time alone. It was the least we could do after they looked after Connor and Lily while Chris and I were in California last month. Of course we don't mind having the little one around, she fits into our family as smoothly as any of the other kids.

But now she's back home and its time for Chris to hit the road as well. He's got a few concert dates in the southwest so with a kiss and a wave, he's back on his bus and heading for the open road.

But the bouquet of tulips he left behind are a sweet reminder that our relationship is back on the right path again. And those bright flowers are also a reminder that he'll be home again very soon with lots of new stories. Gordon and Wayne are back with him for this mini tour, wonder if he'll be able to talk them into working on the new album with him? Wonder if he'll get Roger to produce it or if he'll do what he's been talking about for weeks now and produce it himself?

Guess I'll just have to wait and see. Just like the rest of his fans. And if the forums at his website are any indication, those fans can't wait for new music. Sheesh! The man released a soundtrack album and two other CDs last year and already there's quite the demand for some new tunes. Just goes to show some people are insatiable.

But I know a little about that. I can't wait to hear some new music from him as well.

(CHRIS)

I toss another script on top of a pile on the table and watch as the stack slowly tilts to the right. If I add one more I'm going to wind up with a mess on the floor but it doesn't really matter. They're all going to wind up in the same place anyway and thats the trash can.

I can't believe what a pile of crap Simon shipped out here. There isn't a single role I'd even consider trying out for and that's just depressing. But then again maybe I've just been spoiled by the roles I have taken. The movie I did in Winnipeg last summer with Kate Hudson is in post production but it will be coming out in time for the summer season. There's talk we'll be going back to Winnipeg for the premiere but the studio still hasn't decided.

In the meantime I need to decide on a new project. I close my eyes and wonder if someone asked me which project I've done in the past few years was the most fun, what would I say? Working on The Secret Garden was something different and I really did enjoy the experience. But singing that much was hard on the voice and there's the time committment to think about as well. If I take something now I'll be in rehearsals in New York while the kids are still in school. I've been through this with Morgan before and I know there's no way she'll take Connor and Lily out of school here and enroll them somewhere in New York. Things are reasonable between Joe and me right now and I don't want to do something to get into his bad books either.

Maybe I should look through the pile of scripts again. Maybe there's a small role I could take. Something that wouldn't keep me away from home for very long. I start to grin at that, listen to me. Years ago I would have jumped at the role that would keep me away the longest, now I hate the idea of being gone more than a couple nights.

My gaze falls on a picture of Morgan and the kids sitting on the mantle. Years ago I would have said there was no way I'd be settling down with one woman and a family.

Am I ever glad things change.

I've spent what seems like weeks trying to figure out what to get Chris for Valentine's Day. It would be silly to pretend everything is hearts and roses between us. For a good part of the time, it is again, but there are also moments when I could gladly strangle his stubborn neck (like the unplanned NY trip)...

I woke up to homemade Valentines from the kids. There was a decorated shoebox on the table at breakfast and it was filled with different heart-shaped greetings. Each one was homemade and I have a feeling Pam helped out just a little. But I don't mind at all, it kind of makes it even more special that she'd want to help them out when the Valentines were for me.

There was nothing special from Chris and other than a kiss goodbye when I left to run some errands once the kids were off to school, he really didn't acknowledge the day. I stewed about that for a while, then figured it would be the perfect excuse not to get him anything.

Of course that's when he surprised me - the rat! (the wonderful, sweet rat!)

I stopped by the restaurant to drop off some more promo ideas for Clay and Clay told me he had something he wanted me to see. He guided me to the private dining room and lo and behold, there's Chris and a table for two.

The roads were snow covered and pretty slushy but everything was starting to move once again. Thank goodness we didn't have to rely on a commercial flight tho - we'd probably still be sitting at the airport. The news said there were tons of travellers waiting for postponed flights.

Actually I'm surprised Kent was willing to fly us back to Tulsa after Chris called him at least a dozen (!!!!) times in the space of a few hours. Looks like the old 'scared of flying' phobia is rearing its head again. The way he was acting you'd think there was a storm hanging around just waiting to knock the plane out of the sky (sheesh!) But I can vouch that we've made it home safe and sound.......and only a little worse for wear (hehe!)

It was a good day today, despite having the biggest blizzard to hit NYC in decades right outside our door. Those cable news shows weren't exaggerating when they said the snow was piling up. Official measurements on the terrace had the white stuff at fifteen inches. Even if that was a drift right against the wall, its still a whole lot of snow!!!

The kids were fine until midafternoon, then cabin fever really set in. So we bundled everyone up and ventured out to the park down the block. It was really weird not to see tons of traffic; the street was basically deserted. Chris and I took turns leading the way, trying to blaze a trail through the drifts. A pair of snowshoes would have come in handy, but the kids were good sports, scrambling through it all. It was still blowing pretty hard and the snow was still coming down, but it was nice just to get out of the house.

A couple neighbors were out with their kids and Lily and Connor both got a few toboggan rides down the little hill at the park. Chris even took Bella for a ride and she loved it! She was one big grin when they got back to the top.

Great, just great! The forecasters weren't kidding when they said it was going to storm today. The morning was fine. I ran a few errands and thankfully had some food delivered. It started snowing around lunch time and it doesn't look like its going to stop any time soon.

Mayor Bloomberg was on the news saying it was a very dangerous storm and travel wasn't advised. That got Chris going. Mr. Optimist decided there's no way its as bad as the experts are saying so he phoned Kent to say our plans would stay the same. Hmm, Kent however didn't feel the same way. He told Chris he could try and get home if he wanted, but since the airports were all closed, it might be an adventure!

The kids were in the living room during that weather report and Lily stunned us all by bursting into tears. Took a little digging but it turns out she thinks the storm is all her fault because she was hoping for some snow. Chris and I took turns assuring her it wasn't her fault at all. I don't think she really believed us but at least it stopped the tears.

Connor was just mad the NASCAR race was postponed because of rain in Florida. He had to phone Pam and complain. She even talked to Lily, telling her the snow wasn't her fault. I don't know what she said to everyone but it got them all calm again. Sometimes I don't know what we'd do without Pam.

I'm probably crazy not to be thrilled to be in New York but then I really didn't get a vote, did I? Kent landed at Teeterboro so we wound up driving into the city. According to mapquest.com, the drive should take about half an hour - instead it took more like an hour and a half!!!

Imagine two cranky adults and three wound-up kids trapped in the back seat of a limo. Trust me, there's not as much space as you might think! Bet the driver was really really glad we had the window between him and us closed.

We made it to the apartment in one piece, thankfully, and ordered pizza, then watched the Opening Ceremonies for the Winter Olympics. Joe was originally supposed to be in Turin, looking after security for the US team but that assignment went to someone else once he quit the security firm to go back to the charter business. But we decided to tune in anyway and the children all seemed to enjoy all the different acts and Connor was especially thrilled when they had a Ferrari roar around doing donuts.

I think Pam may have a point - we may have a future race car driver on our hands.

I picked up Griffin's new CD today, much to Chris' chagrin. He'd prefer I didn't contribute to any competitor's sales but there are a few artists he's just going to have to put up with me listening to.

Griffin is going to get a few awards for this one. There's a little something for everyone and it really shows how eclectic his style really is. There are the requisite love songs, and a few arena rockers that will get the fans up and moving at his shows. But the song I love the best is the shortest one on the whole album.

It really shows off those Irish roots of his and I love the bodhrans and uilleann pipes he uses during the intro. If you close your eyes you can imagine yourself looking over lush emerald hills.

Rivers and Tides
©2005 Matt Alber, all rights reserved

Rivers and tides have left me here
forgetting my name
but there's too many of me left alone
to feel so ashamed
so I will drift here a while and
settle my score with the waves
should have been kind
should have been less cold
but now it's too late to turn back
something is sinking just below
the warning is real
it's under the surface like a splinter
you see but cant feel
and now with merciful hand
she offers his chalice to me
and if I would drink
would the moon repent
or bathe us in amber and green

I want to hear the story behind this track and I'm definitely going to have to ask him about it next time I see him.

Category 81 - Best Score Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media

Yes, he WON! :) :):)

It was on the non- televised portion of the Grammys so we missed quite a bit of the show as Chris did the media rounds. He was practically giddy, given that the award was for 'Home Free'. He released two other albums last year but this is the one that meant the most to him.

The MusiCares benefit for James Taylor was at the LA Convention Center. Imagine a room filled with about 2200 people all paying tribute to you. I think James said it best when he said the whole event was 'very moving, very terrifying and very wonderful'. Not really sure who his favorite acts were but I have a list of mine:

Keith Urban - did an acoustic performance of 'Country Road' and was great even though he had quite the cold! Even if he's not singing the best, he's still absolutely mesmerizing. The song has never been one of my faves but now I'm going to haul out my James Taylor CD and listen to it. Definitely have a new appreciation for it. (okay and yes, it was weird to see him with Nicole Kidman. I mean its NICOLE KIDMAN, you know??)

Sheryl Crow with David Crosby & Jackson Brown - she had the night's best line when she said she went to a James Taylor concert when she was a kid, smelled pot for the first time and knew she wanted to be a musician. The whole place cracked up at that, and their version of Mexico was pretty good. Still think Sheryl sounds better when she sings by herself tho.

Chris - of course I couldn't leave out the hubby. His song choice was a surprise to me. He'd been practicing several but when he took the stage with his guitar and sang a mournful version of 'Belfast to Boston'. It was an odd choice for him, I would have expected it to come from Griffin but then maybe thats exactly the reason Chris chose it. Whatever the reason he aced it and got a standing version for his efforts.

Griffin McNeal - he's the last to perform before James came out and thanked everyone then did a few songs himself. If Griff was pissed Chris stole his song, he didn't show it at all. He did a rip-roaring version of Steamroller that had every woman in the place drooling..... ummm... except me. Crazy I know, (and Chris would do cartwheels to hear this) but I don't have any urge to fall all over him.

There are days when its easy to forget Chris and I are having any problems. Today was one of those days. We decided to take the kids to the beach, just after we arrived. They were full of energy after the plane trip so we decided to let them burn some of it off. It was a little chilly for swimming, despite the fact this is sunny California. But it was perfect for walks along the beach, and a little sand castle building.

I knew Lily and Connor would have a blast. We brought buckets and plastic shovels and about a dozen different shaped containers for them to use when they were building their castles. When they got tired of that, they chased each other up and down the beach or pestered Chris to piggy back them. The two of them adore their Dad but its plain to see Chris has found a big place in their hearts as well.

Isabella was pretty adventurous as well; eager to practice walking. Another few weeks and I think she's going to be getting around on her own. Right now she prefers to hang on to someone else's hand. Had to keep a close eye on her though, every time she sat down she tried to eat a handful of sand.

It was Tristan's birthday tomorrow, and even though we won't be spending the day with him, we gave him a pre- birthday call at dinner time. Had a feeling that would be the best time to get hold of him, Candace would insist on giving him being home. I don't think Chris can quite believe he has a 19-year old son but its true.

I decided to get a head start on packing so everything would be ready by the time Chris gets home tomorrow. It's almost worse if I wait until he's here, if it was up to him he'd bring twice as much as we all really need. (thought that was supposed to be my job, hahaha, but in this family I'm the realistic one I guess!). Besides my motto is: if we forget something we can always buy it in Los Angeles.

Connor and Lily both have a suitcase for themselves, if I made them share I'd listen to non stop fighting. I could probably put all Bella's necessities in my own suitcase, but I'll be realistic. We're going to see Carolyn and Roger while we're in California and there's no way we won't come home with some extra stuff for the baby. And I have a bad habit of hitting the stores and coming out with more bags of clothing and toys for her, than I do for anyone else. Nope, better bring a suitcase just for Isabella. So that means we're going to have five suitcases and various carry-ons.

Hard to remember the days when we could throw a change of clothes and a few other things into a carry-on and race out the door. But then again we're having a whole lot more fun having the kids! Now we have the perfect excuse to consider stopping at Disney Land or the zoo. Or to make sand castles at the beach.

ET featured a story on Chris' Richmond show and they spent a lot of time commenting on how he really should think about playing smaller venues (the whole sell-out problem rearing its ugly head just like Chris expected it would) instead of arenas. But on the plus side they also said he's been singing better than ever and that the industry is really starting to realize what a major talent he is. (Oh that should go straight to his head LOL)

Whole point of the story - they think he has a good shot at winning a Grammy next week and when I mentioned that to Chris when he called just before tonight's show, he sounded relieved. He's never been one to brush off the awards, and say being nominated is honor enough. He's too competitive for that. If he's nominated he wants to win.

But at least he's learned to balance that drive and determination for his career with his family. We spent more time talking about what we're going to do with the kids during the California trip than we did talking about award shows and reviews. He was glad to hear Connor is feeling much better today and well on the road to recovery and he wanted to know if Bella had taken that first step yet. Aside from the music stuff it was just a normal conversation between a husband and a wife, and we like it that way.

Two more sleeps and he'll be home, and then we'll all be flying to the west coast.

Connor started feeling bad around dinner time and we were up several times through the night as well. He had a tummy ache, his head hurt. That meant he didn't want to sleep in his own bed and worried that he would throw up again, I really didn't want him sleeping in my bed, so we wound up downstairs on the couch together. The bathroom for the guest room is just a few short steps away so we were safe in that respect.

By morning he was tired of me and whining constantly that he wanted Daddy to come look after him. That evil side of me almost picked up the phone at 4 am and called Joe to come over. But I managed to hold off until almost 8 when I called to see if Pam could pick up Lily and take her to school so I wouldn't have to bundle Connor up again.

She agreed and Conn got his wish when Joe drove over with her. He has a charter leaving in the afternoon so that meant Connor got all his attention until lunch time. I did my best to give father and son some space, hanging out either in the kitchen or in the nursery with Bella. She's trying her darndest to walk and I have a feeling she might actually get the hang of it by her birthday. We called Chris and she babbled into the phone for a few minutes. He's in Richmond and feeling good about tonight's show. It's closer to a sell-out than he's had in the past few dates and that alone is enough to put him in a good mood. I guess in that business it really is hard to face signs that you're not as popular as you once were but if the fan boards are any indication, they are excited at the possibility of a new CD and some new songs later this year. Chris is slipping one or two into his set list just to see what kind of reaction he gets before he commits to recording anything.

I hear Joe call my name and lifting up Bella, I go downstairs to discover grilled cheese and tomato soup waiting. As I work my way through my own lunch, Joe sits between the two children, alternating between slipping Bella little pieces of toasted bread to munch off while he coaxes Conn into eating at least half his sandwich. And once again I'm struck at how much the man truly adores kids.

Then it strikes me that he too didn't want anything to do with one of his children for the longest time. After the unfortunate circumstances that brought Katy into our world, he did his best to pretend she didn't exist. If it had been up to him, he would have gladly ignored her, it was only because Mel ran away and left the child behind that he was forced to parent her.

But now she's as much the apple of his eye as his other children.

Does that mean there's still hope Chris will change his mind about the place Mikey has in his life? I find myself crossing my fingers and hoping.

Chris left this morning for another short jaunt, him and the boys are doing a swing through Virginia and North Carolina. There are more concerts later in the month but the road trips will be broken up by our trip west for the MusiCares benefit and the Grammys.

The kids were sound asleep when he left and while I got up to see him off at the ungodly hour of 4 am, I didn't get the chance to go back to bed. No doubt he's on the bus sound asleep already but it seems as though the door slammed behind him and Connor was calling from his room, saying he had a tummy ache.

He's been known to fake one just for some attention but trust me, this time he wasn't faking anything. Three loads of laundry and I think we're clean for the time being. But just in case I have another pair of pajamas and another set of sheets sitting out on his dresser. When he just missed throwing up on me, I started wishing I was the one on the bus travelling east and Chris was the one here dealing with the yucky mess.

But ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? And I should be used to pretending I'm a single mother by now. Both Chris and Joe have spent their fair share of time on the road and I'm the one looking after the homefront.

Conn seemed a little better by the time Lily was ready for school so he was bundled into the car along with his sisters. But he came back home with me and Bella and spent most of the day looking pitiful on the couch.

By mid afternoon it looked like the bug had decided to take a hike elsewhere. He was readily eating toast and some soup and perking right up at the thought of going outside to play in the middle of the afternoon, instead of sitting at his desk listening to his teacher. But mean mom that I am, I put an end to those dreams. Instead of heading outside, he went right back to the couch until it was time to pick Lily up.

We'll see how he feels tomorrow before we loosen the reins again.

"Hey Kent," I greet my second favorite pilot with a hug. "Bet you're excited that you don't have to run this place by yourself any more."

"Has its merits," he answers, then jerks a thumb toward the hangar. "But does mean I have to put up with someone's moods."

Right on cue, that someone sticks his head out the door, glaring at the two of us. "You must be talking about yourself again Kent." He raises an eyebrow, his form of sticking out his tongue, then comes over to me. "Don't tell me you need a lift somewhere?"

"Nope, not today." I can't resist adding, "But if you're free at the end of the week we could use a lift to LA. Kids would love it if Daddy was piloting them there."

"Good one, Morgan." Kent chuckles and grabs a rather large wrench out of Joe's hand. "I'm gonna go see if I can fix the damage you've probably done in the short time I left you alone with the plane. Nice seeing you again, Morgan." He grins and strides off and Joe shakes his head back and forth.

"So what did drag you out here?" Joe's not one to beat around the bush.

I'm the one who sticks their tongue out and bring the gift bag out from behind my back. "Gee, now I'm not so sure someone deserves congratulations."

Before I can say anything else, he snatches the bag out of my hand, winks at me and tugs out the wad of tissue paper at the top of the bag, peering in to see whats beneath it. "Hey, a picture for my new office." he enthuses as he pulls out a framed photograph. Then his eyes widen as he recognizes the shot. "You kept this?" is his first question.

I nod. After the divorce I told myself I was saving it for the kids. Its something Connor would probably love on the wall in his room. But thats not really the reason I held on to it. Joe's not the only one to have memories of his first Citation.

"I loved that plane," he says softly.

"I know," I whisper back. And he sold it because of me. He gave up his charter business for me and how did I repay him?

Giving him back a cherished photograph is the least I can do.

And wishing him all the luck in the world is one other thing.